The 10 Facebook Personalities

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With the number of people who regularly post on Facebook accounts, you would think that the World of Facebook would be full of posts as unique and diverse as the people posting them. Somehow, though, when people use Facebook, they tend to meld into one of ten Facebook Personalities. Start pinpointing your friends now.

10. The Narcissist. These people comment more than they post statuses. You can spot them because they reply to…a lot of other statuses…and comments…but the responses are always about them, not really too much about the person or the topic of the original post. You post a story? They have a story. You post a question? They have an answer. And a story to go with it. You have a problem? They have had that problem before–and either have a solution or were a big enough martyr to suffer through it. Better than you will, obviously.

9. The Pray-er. This person is actually a gossiper in disguise, and now they are offended because I just called them out. This is the person who posts things like “just saw a lot of red lights going down Main St. I’m praying for those involved. Does anyone know what happened?” or “Passed an accident on 89. Three cars involved, it looked really bad. I hope it wasn’t anyone I know. Praying.” or, one of my favorites, “the power went off at 3am this morning and was off for half an hour. Does anyone know why? Praying it wasn’t anything bad.”

8. The Spy. She doesn’t ever post, except for a few times a year when she updates everyone with photos of her children…and then surprises everyone when a new one is added and we didn’t even know she was pregnant. But she logs on. And looks through everyone else’s post, so stealth like that you forget she even exists. But she is watching you.

7. The Gamer. I don’t really know if you can call them “gamers” (Gamers will probably be mad at this title), but you already know who it is. The person who clearly can’t have a steady job because all of their time is spent sending you Farmville and Candy Crush requests. Even if you don’t play those games. Just. Stop.

6. The Hater. They hate everything, everyone, and don’t give a hoot about who wants to be their friend on Facebook. The honesty is refreshing though, and makes us laugh, so we keep them as our friend because “liking” their posts is kind of like giving ourself a hug since we obviously aren’t standing alone on whatever topic it may be.

5. The Jack-In-The-Box. He always lets us know that Facebook is too depressing or overwhelming, so he is going to take a hiatus from it for a while to compose and refresh his spirit. Or he’s become addicted to it and needs a time-out. You probably won’t notice he’s gone…until he’s back and posts the same thing about leaving again.

4. The Complainer. Life is always crappy. Bad things are always happening. The last three Go Fund Me’s that they posted didn’t amount to anything. This person generally has grammar and spelling difficulties, and it’s like one of those painful situations where you want to look away but you JUST CAN’T. So you watch. And sometimes comment, but your ideas never work. They’ve already tried them. Already failed. Just like everything else in life. Stop asking for ideas, Complainer. Stop asking.

3. The Model (Wanna Be). Selfie. After selfie. After selfie. Probably with some cleavage, taken from a higher angle to give a slimming effect, and probably filtered. Sometimes, they’ll put a kid into the photo to try to throw us off. Nice try. Didn’t work.

2. The Hustler. Except, they aren’t very good at hustling, because they’re still advertising their MLM business to their Facebook population–of which probably 10% only actually see their posts, and half of them have figured out how to tell Facebook to stop showing them Plexus, It Works, and Young Living posts. But who cares? It’s nice to know that some people have been saved from all the problems in their life, and are making seemingly big money while–as they say–just wearing a t-shirt and posting on Facebook. Seems to be against all business strategies (like target marketing and hard work) that I was taught in college, but what do I know. It’s not sad until you realize they are only “friends” with you to sell you something. Every day. In every post. And in every private message. Yay me…

1. And lastly, the favorite of us all…The Lister. They let us know when they got up, how they slept, what coffee mug they used (with photo), the chores they accomplished, what’s for lunch (complete with photo and recipe), when they’re going shopping, where they’re going shopping, what deals they found and how much they spent, what their child’s attitude/accomplishments/clothing/struggles/poop looked like during the day, how many minutes it’s been since they saw their husband, what time dinner’s on the table (complete with photo, unless they’re too burned out to admit they really had frozen pizza), which TV show they’re watching after dinner (and what happened in it), which brand of wine is in their wine glass, their nighttime makeup removal routine (only if we’re lucky enough that day), and then a specific “Goodnight, Facebook!” post to let us know that they will be gone for a few hours, or until they wake up during the night to check on Facebook again and let the world know they’re having trouble sleeping.

…except, everyone reading this thinks you’re the normal one out of your Facebook friends, right? Ask your friends–which one are YOU?!

Facebook Personalities

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