Guest blog article by Etta for International Babylost Mama Day, which is being honored at Life More Simply all week long.
I am a 22-year-old wife and mom of two angels. We were by no means trying for our first pregnancy and it really surprised us and changed our lives forever. We were so excited to be parents and knew that it was right for us. I had to go on “maternity leave” right away because of the requirements of my job; I followed all the guidelines…and still never met our baby.
We had our first appointment at 10 weeks–just the “get to know you” appointment–and my Dr. sent me home with orders for an ultrasound titled “check fetal vitality.” That was the first time I even thought something was wrong. At 12 weeks we had our first ultrasound. I was so excited that we were going to get to hear the heartbeat! When the tech started, I was just trying to see the screen but I didn’t understand why she wasn’t explaining what I was seeing on the screen. At the end she told me there was no heartbeat and the baby was only measuring at 10 weeks. My husband was in the room for the whole ultrasound but he didn’t quite understand what had been said, so I then had to explain to him that we had lost our baby.
They weren’t able to schedule me for a D&C for another 4 weeks and my body never realized it. I had the constant reminder of my pregnancy every morning because I was still experiencing morning sickness. After the D&C, I started getting infections regularly and experiencing a lot of pelvic pain. First, my Dr. identified that I was getting ovarian cysts, then he ordered a hysterosalpingogram and we discovered that my left tube is closed. At this point my husband was on deployment so trying for another baby was at a stand still. My Dr. told me to come back for more testing if we went 6 months without conceiving. Well, month 6 came and we were pregnant again.
Our insurance decided I had to go to a military Dr. for my pregnancy and they couldn’t get me in until I was 11 weeks whereas my original OB was going to see me at 7 weeks. I was very upset at the delayed time of the appointment but they were not concerned about my first loss. I ended up going to the ER for some slight cramping mostly for peace of mind because I knew they would do an ultrasound for me; this was around the 7 week mark and I couldn’t wait anymore. They sent me home, telling me the ultrasound and blood work all looked good.
Two days later I started spotting and kept justifying it, telling myself it can be perfectly normal. Another two days passed and I decided it was time to go back to the ER this time they told me there was no evidence of a baby on the ultrasound and my blood work was “less pregnant” than my trip 4 days prior. I was 8 weeks pregnant. The worst news was yet to come, they told me when they were discharging me that no tests were going to be done and I wasn’t considered high risk until I lose a third baby. We are back to trying with no success as of yet.
All I have for my two babies are my tattoos. The wings were done first with footprints in the top, for our angel and the story of footprints. The cross and roses is the most recent there are two partially opened rose buds on the cross for our two little angels.