You Might Be A Paramedic Mama If…

You Might Be A Paramedic Mama If…

1) You catch yourself angerly wondering why the car in front of you isn’t pulling over…and then it hits you: you’re driving your personal vehicle.

2) When accused by your mother-in-law of being a safety freak about your own child, you respond with “better alive than dead” with no sign of humor attached.

3) Topics such as decapitations and hemorrhaging bowels isn’t a strange topic at the dinner table.

4) When teaching your 16-year-old how to drive, your first lesson consists of having him drive to every spot in the county where a teenager died because of driving accidents (and yes, you pull over and share the story). Then you have him drive to the cemetery to view the graves of those teenagers before letting him go home and tell his friends that he just got his driver’s permit.

5) Instead of pulling the “my baby’s at home crying” stunt when a cop pulls you over for speeding, you first remind him that a) you’re coming home from a 24-hour paramedic shift and just happened to still be in ambulance-speed mode, and b) that your milk is leaking.

6) You have ever pumped by hand into a zip-lock baggie while traveling 75mph in the back of a moving vehicle.

7) You have ever strewn sheets all around a vehicle so that you could pump in “private.”

8) You have ever had a co-worker ask if you need “any help pumping” and didn’t turn him in for sexual harassment.

9) You can recognize the difference in sound between an electric pump and an electric suction unit.

(did you notice the pumping theme?)

and, 10) You snuggle your babies extra close at night because you know that in the tick of a second, lives change. Babies are hurt, children are gone, and mama’s didn’t kiss them goodbye. So you always, always, always kiss your babies goodbye and hold them a little longer after they’ve fallen asleep at night.

5 thoughts on “You Might Be A Paramedic Mama If…

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  1. I gave my husband a list of things we will have to get rid of now. It included:

    The television(a toddler could pull it down)
    The refrigerator(see above)
    the bathtub(drowning)
    Any deep sinks
    All cords from window blinds
    All possible toxic chemical ANYTHING

    I also forbid any future:

    Pools, unless it has a dome built over it with triple padlocks, in-water alarm systems, and can only be used when two adults are watching.

    ATVs/Four wheelers/Motorcycles, under any and all circumstances

    All cars. Everywhere. In the world.

    Approved items:

    Sun screen
    Car seats
    baby monitors
    computerized tracking devices


  2. This always makes me wonder how I ever survived as a kid — I never had a carseat or wore seatbelts, never locked house or car doors, never wore a bike helmet, rode in the back of pickup trucks, walked to and from school every day by myself — even in the first grade, my mom smoked and drank when she was pregnant with me, and who knows what else. Times have sure changed.


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